if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
