a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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