drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
