she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize