I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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