he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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