I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
