My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
