honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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