My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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