Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
