you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
