i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
