you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
