Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
