I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize