and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
