i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He shit in the fireplace
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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