saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
nutella sex= disaster
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
