I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
