it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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