Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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