I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How external is "for external use only"?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
