I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
