Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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