Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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