I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
