Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize