I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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