I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
