When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
