Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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