if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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