Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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