The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
