ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I still have a little drunk in my system
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
