I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
