Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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