i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
