I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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