john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
