I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
