Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
