So drunk its hurt
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
