The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
