Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
