I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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