Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
