There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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