the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize