shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
