the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
