She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
