Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
