She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
