i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
