So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
