two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
