I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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