his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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