I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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