So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
