Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
