I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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