shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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