dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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