Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
