Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
