New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
