I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
