my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize