Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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