Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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