my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
