A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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